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If there is any love or the potential for love in the relationship, there are positive steps you can take to save your marriage or relationship. Start with these fire sure five methods.
1. Your attitude can and must be determined by you and you alone.
Your attitude will bring about certain words and actions. Do you want a defeatist attitude or one that inspires others, and brings happiness and fun to the moment? Decide to have a positive attitude first, then you’ll find your actions and words will change virtually without you giving it a thought.
2. Do you think you can’t change your partner?
You are right, but you can have some sway over them. How you act will influence what they do. Your actions can influence their feelings and may be the tipping point that will save your marriage. This is not the same as manipulation, which is all about doing something that will put them in a corner where they must respond a certain way. This may work for the moment but they are free agents. They will soon ascertain that they’ve been manipulated and will refuse to be controlled.
The influence you have comes from your intent to bring about a loving bond, even if it is no longer there for all intents and purposes. You do this by acting in a loving way. And they respond by becoming just a tad more opened to staying with you, bit by tiny little bit.
3. Feelings cannot be allowed to dictate what you do and say. Take loving and kind actions, regardless of your emotions in the moment:
Actions cannot be dictated by emotions if you intend to save your marriage or get your X back. Emotions will naturally be painful, angry, hopeless, when your romance is on the rocks. Emotions such as: “She’s used me”, while your brain says, “This is a good man/woman. I love ‘em and want us to make it as a couple”. Make a list of actions that you know will foster harmony, fun, and stress reduction. Once an action is on the list, say, to greet your mate with a hug and cook their favorite dinner, avoid letting your emotions halt that positive action.
4. Avoid things that will trigger your spouse.
Things that set them off or make them angry. You know those things that end up being an argument…for some couples it may be money, whether or not a job change will occur, where to go for the holidays, your or their weight, failure to put away dirty clothes…or dozens of others. Think back over encounters with your spouse, then list their triggers, and consciously decide to avoid discussing them during the phase when you are trying to keep things from falling apart.
5. Maintain your varied personal/career objectives rather than placing all your eggs in one basket (i.e. the marriage).
Although you may have only one thing on the mind, getting your ex back, make a pronounced commitment to do other things. Proceed with work or school goals, sports, friendships, volunteer work, taking time to yourself. This way your spouse sees you as someone who has a life with or without them. This does not mean you will date others or hang out in bars flirting with other men/women.
Follow these 5 tips, but don’t stop there. You can help by: making sure that you notice and respond to your spouses’ mood, being aware of what is important to them and showing interest…That’s a few for starters. Project what you want, i.e. act as if you 2 are doing better and will be back together, and just might save your marriage.
The worst that can happen is that it won’t work, but you’ll know you have given it your all. You want have to wonder, “what if I had tried, maybe I could have got my ex back”.
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